Before coming to Revive, life had become unbearable with little hope of it ever getting better. After years of IV drug use, I had become miserable in my own skin and had pushed away everyone who ever truly loved me. I had been in and out of treatment since I was old enough to attend. I had lost all hope and had settled into the fact that I was always going to be a drug addict. I was sitting in Montgomery Co Jail when a bed opened up at Revive Life House, and on July 13, 2018, I walked into my 8th treatment center.

While at Revive, I learned the importance of having a personal relationship with Jesus. On that I built a foundation for my recovery. I started striving to build relationships with people who had gone
before me and had some clean time. I asked questions and continued to focus on God and my relationship with him. I soon learned that as long as I kept my mental/spiritual health in shape,
everything else would fall into place. God started to open my eyes to his goodness and things he had in store for me in my life. I obtained a sponsor and started working a 12-step program. Through learning to be disciplined in my prayer life, my relationship with God, and working a 12-step program, I have been able to maintain sobriety.

This program has changed my life from the day I came in. I was pretty nervous when I came through the door. I had been through multiple treatment centers and just wasn’t getting it. And from the time–the peace that I could feel when I came through the door here–was just amazing. The staff–they love you back to life and with me, I was ready for a better life and that’s what I have now and I’m thankful for that.

I had made such a mess of multiple relationships between family, my daughter, my niece, nephew, mother, father, sister. I had made a complete mess and it was going out of control. I didn’t really know what to do and I came to Revive, and I knew God was going to take care of those things. And he allowed me to come to Revive and work on myself, and God took care of every bit of those relationships and is beginning to restore those relationships back with my family and daughter.

It started when I was young. My parents were very large crack cocaine dealers. But they were also users. My parents were busted by the authorities when I was eight years old. I was taken away by CPS, and my grandmother got custody of me. I lived with my grandmother until I was 14.

The only reason that I moved out at that time is because I had come out to my family that my grandfather had been molesting me since the age of 13. He was charged with incest and molestation of a minor. But due to medical problems the state found him unfit to serve jail time. So at that point I moved back in with
my parents.

At the age of 16, due to severe trauma, I had already been smoking weed for three years. My parents were still in the same lifestyle and glorified the drug life to me. So at the age of 16 I was a massive pothead and sold drugs with them. At this point I was only selling weed while they were selling pills. Once the Florida pipeline closed down and they were no longer able to get their pills anymore, they moved to selling heroin.

Now 19 years old, I had graduated to selling cocaine, and using it heavily, about an 8-ball a day. It only took a few months for me to start selling crack and wanting to use it. I had switched because my mom was buying it from me and her friends. At this same time I had tried heroin for the first time with a friend via IV. I fell in love, and it was downhill from there.

In December of 2016, I had just committed a first-degree armed robbery. I was at the lowest part of my addiction, so I ran from these charges for two years with depression, anxiety, paranoia, and fear in every thought I had. In 2018, tired of running, I turned myself in for these charges. Seeing the video of how messed up I was during the robbery is what made me ask the judge for treatment. Revive was the only place I wanted to go. I went to isolation twice while in jail and both times Revive’s name, address and number was on the wall. And that began my journey at Revive.                                                                                                                                                    My revelation came on Dec. 25, 2018 at 101 Richmond Ave. during Phase 1. I had been there five days and was looking out the window washing dishes and the sky got bright and I knew that God said to me I was going to be okay, and a peace came over me followed by tears. I had many of those experiences while in Phase 1. My next “aha” moment is when I got to Phase 2 of the program. I realized that with every person who worked for Revive, it wasn’t just a job for them. They genuinely loved every one of us from their hearts’ real love.

Life started well for me; I come from a good home with loving parents. Despite this, I always felt like I was entitled to more than I had been gifted. This desire for more drove me to compare myself against others constantly. Once my brothers moved out, I felt abandoned. I started to search for people who could always hang out. I now see how codependent I was, which led me to try to fit in with all the wrong people. I turned to drugs and alcohol to fit in, and before long, I would use every chance I got. 

Recreational use turned into habits, and by the time I was 18 years old, I knew I had a problem. For me to admit I had a problem so early in life meant that things had escalated way too quickly. Most
people with substance use disorder do not come to this conclusion until much later in life. Despite my “knowing,” I still was not ready to change until years later. You see, my consequences were not significant enough for me to realize that I could not use drugs and live everyday life. I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. I tried everything to get away from
drugs, but there was a continuous pull to bring me back.

I now realize that drugs were but a symptom; I had underlying issues that I had never wanted to take an honest look at. Imagine how conflicting it is when someone “needs” to have people around because of codependency but becomes terrified they will leave. I would end up pushing people away so they couldn’t leave me. I was constantly conflicted,
and the battle nearly killed me. Jail time was slowly eating away at my life. I had destroyed relationships with everyone I came into contact with and repeated a cycle of treatment over and over.